Jimmy Evans was the primary speaker at the XO Marrriage conference we attended this weekend. His ministry (Marriage Today) reaches over 110 million homes every month, all across the globe. This ministry is the largest marriage ministry on the planet. That’s a pretty big deal. He is successful because he is speaking truth that comes from God.

He had some great sessions at the XO Marriage conference this weekend. In one session he spoke about the “four points of unity in marriage”. This is what I took away from his insightful message. Guys, keep reading. You will like point number 4. Feel free to share with your spouse and let them know it came from the top marriage expert on the planet (not me). These four points are Jimmy Evan’s. I just added my thoughts to what he presented.

1. Surrender to the Lordship of Jesus Christ Together

Marriage is hard. If you try to do it on your own it is even harder. God can help us get through the rough patches. It doesn’t necessarily make it easier, but it does increase our odds of having a successful marriage if both people have God/Jesus at the center of their lives. How can that be, you might be wondering? Jimmy Evan’s said it very clearly and it just makes sense. “If you are both strong willed then you aren’t fully submitting your will to Jesus. Both people need to submit to Jesus”. Doing this makes God the head of the marriage. It isn’t about a battle between two wills; one always trying to get the upper hand. Instead it is submitting your will to God first and seeking what God wants for your marriage. This is how we can give up our selfish tendencies in our marriage. It you are at an impasse on a subject in your marriage, ask God what he wants you to do. Marriage isn’t about your way or your will. Your marriage is set to fail if that is the way you handle marriage. Marriage needs to framed under “what does God want/will for our marriage”. It is not about one person or the other. It is about two people joined together in unity under God, so God is the head and knows what is best for the marriage. Scripture tells us that God’s ways are better than ours. He created the heavens and the earth; I am certain he can handle our problems in marriage too.

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:9)

There is a great articles online regarding God’s ways being better than ours. If you have any doubt on the subject or just want some confirmation on the subject, read this short, yet awesome article on the subject: http://faithinthenews.com/3-ways-gods-plan-is-better-than-your-plan/

2. Make All Important Decisions Together

Unity in your marriage needs to supersede anything we “want”. Our wants and desires need to be framed in the thought of what is best for the marriage. Too often today people end up divorced because they want different things in life. It’s called irreconcilable differences. If you are both continually putting the marriage first and making all decisions together jointly, then your odds for a successful marriage increase. The Bible talks about wives respecting their husbands and how husbands must love their wives. In decision making this becomes pretty clear- if a wife respects her husband then she will discuss all important decisions and make the final decision with him together. If a husband loves his wife, he will seeks his wife’s opinion and guidance on decisions, so the final decision is made together as well. When you come to an impasse on a subject, it’s time to bring it in front of God with fervent prayer TOGETHER. Which is where point number 3 comes.

3. Pray Together Regularly

Prayer is our way of talking to God. It is our time to praise him and thank him for all that he has given us, including our spouse. It is also a time when we bring our problems, including marital, in front of God. What better way to do it than to do it together. Jimmy Evans said that “prayer bonds us together and creates more intimacy”. I would have to agree. When problems arise in our marriage, it becomes harder to come to God in prayer together, but this is exactly when we need to pray together the most.

4. Be Together Physically

Make it a priority in your marriage to be physically intimate. This is the best way we are bonded together. God created this for us to become one. Jimmy Evans stated, which I also agree with, “this is how we join our spirits together”. If you are married, then have sex with your spouse and have it often. How often? That depends on your marriage. I have heard varying opinions on this subject. In our pre-marital counseling sessions with our pastor (thanks Wade Duroe), he explained that twice a week is a good general standard for most couples. If you go more than 2 weeks without, then something is typically wrong or you need to get to it right now. There are exceptions of course, such as illness, child birth, etc….outside of exceptions both spouses need to make sex a priority to keep the marriage happy, alive, and united.